You may have read a lot about why your life is simply not complete unless you visit Paris. Paris sends out her siren song and every year millions of unsuspecting victims answer her call.
Read on to find 10 reasons why you should NOT visit Paris.
Paris is all about cotton candy clouds and filtered sunlight. Of the Eiffel tower cheekily peeking out at you as you round a street corner. Of the magnificent Sacre Couer perched elegantly over the city. Of tiny, winding alleys filled with street musicians and scattered with charming little cafes. Of the bridge-dotted Seine winding her languorous way through the city. Of blooming gardens and perfumed air.
Paris is so blindingly scenic that your own home will never be good enough again.
2. The architecture
Hunting lodges that became extensive palace complexes, fortresses that became museums, churches that became secular mausoleums are just some of the examples of French architectural recycling. You will also get a lifetime’s worth of flower laden wrought iron balconies and colorful shuttered windows.
Paris is mind boggling in its historic buildings and magnificent facades. You will return home to bitter disappointment that your own house does not have soaring ceilings, cavernous hallways and a Hall of Mirrors. At the very least I should have the luxury of a perpetually flowering potted plant on my windowsill, no?
3. The food
Paris will forever take you by surprise gastronomically. You will be hoodwinked by deceptively delicious snails, be overwhelmed by dishes smothered in cheese or ham or both (Croque Monsieur, I’m talking to you!), crepes bulging with generous dollops of chocolate and desserts of every possible shape, size and color.
You will have to surrender croissants forever because they will never taste as good anywhere else in the world. If you wish to continue eating your dry, crumbly croissants in blissful ignorance, make a solemn vow right now to stay away from Paris forever.
4. The accent
Who needs deliciously yummy Frenchmen rattling on at you in a thick French accent that leaves you weak at the knees?
To avoid serious head injury when you drop in a swoon to the pavement stay away from France!
5. The Eiffel Tower
One of the most famous monuments in the world that stands sentinel over Paris and draws around 25,000 visitors a day! Surely you don’t want to be one among the many herds of tourists who visit this iconic landmark?
The same goes for the other famous buildings in Paris. Come on, haven’t we all seen enough pictures of the Arc de Triomphe and Champs Elysees, The Louvre Pyramids and the gilded gates of the Versailles Palace?
6. The friendly people
When you are stumbling around in a fog of half-sleep at 8 am with your radar honed on a quick breakfast, the last thing you need is an ultra alert waiter who launches a cheery greeting your way and proceeds to engage in friendly banter. Man (and woman) was not made for socializing at this ungodly hour (Have I mentioned we are not morning people?).
Such outright indifference to early morning etiquette is unacceptable. Curses on French friendliness!
7. The art
Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Rodin, Vermeer, Rousseau, Picasso… The mind is overwhelmed by the sheer talent that resides within the bounds of this city.
Once you venture in, you will be sucked into the whirlpool that is Parisian art and will find it incredibly discomfiting to leave. Your safest bet would be to stay away and not risk it at all.
8. The romance
Odds are that you will not get through your stay in Paris without seeing at least one couple in an ardent embrace. Be it strolling along the Seine, picnicking in the woods or gazing doe-eyed at the Love Wall, couples in France seem oblivious to the world around them.
In order to avoid facing the fact that your own relationship is borderline celibate in comparison with the passionate French, stay at home and read a Mills and Boons instead.
9. The churches
If you do not fancy churches over hundreds of years old that wrest an involuntary prayer from the depths of your soul, do not visit Parisian churches. Towering vaulted ceilings, lofty arches, musical bell towers and stunning stained glass windows will leave you yearning for more.
No one needs the weight of millions of prayers fervently whispered over the years within these hallowed walls weighing down on them.
10. The street performances
At every major attraction you visit in Paris, you will be entranced by the dulcet tones of street musicians and the antics of performers. You will constantly be accosted by rotund, grandfatherly types cheerily pumping away at their accordions filling the air with music and merriment. At Trocadero with the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower for a backdrop people will come together to dance the night away to live music.
Where else would you find such wanton disregard for tourists who are forced to toss away their hard-worked itineraries and feel compelled to simply stop and soak it all in?
Where else is time forgotten, schedules ignored and life allowed to sweep you up in her warm, seductive embrace?
If after reading all this you still cannot resist the call of this siren city, then go but at your own risk. And remember, you have been warned!